http://www.anamchara.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/ Carl McColman ~ The Fullness of Joy is to Behold God in All Sat, 19 May 2012 17:37:39 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 http://www.anamchara.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2192 judith collier Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:32:00 +0000 http://mccolman.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2192 OOPS! I forgot Health! OOPS! I forgot Health!

]]> http://www.anamchara.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2191 judith collier Tue, 16 Sep 2008 20:26:28 +0000 http://mccolman.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2191 There isn't a thing wrong with enjoying your own company. I like myself most of the time and enjoy my interests. I do have a few good friends who put up with me and I them. Really lasting friendships require committment, consequently, I don't want too many. I can make friends with the devil and so I don't get worried if I'll have any in the future. And by the way, Phil, you are so funny! And Pat, there are worse things than growing older alone. Example, I have to rush because I am expected in Indy tomorrow early to help my one daughter who had another baby(NO. 7, total from all the kids) and before I leave I have to make sure my husband and brother-in-law(both blind) are stocked up. I am a bit tired because of a rather serious disorder but, hey, I am the mother! My children are plotting what to do with us (chuckle) and we are only 65 and 66 and we never even ask them for help, God bless their little souls! Give me an apartment, some books, food, telephone and a computer and I could make myself happy. There isn’t a thing wrong with enjoying your own company. I like myself most of the time and enjoy my interests. I do have a few good friends who put up with me and I them. Really lasting friendships require committment, consequently, I don’t want too many. I can make friends with the devil and so I don’t get worried if I’ll have any in the future. And by the way, Phil, you are so funny! And Pat, there are worse things than growing older alone. Example, I have to rush because I am expected in Indy tomorrow early to help my one daughter who had another baby(NO. 7, total from all the kids) and before I leave I have to make sure my husband and brother-in-law(both blind) are stocked up. I am a bit tired because of a rather serious disorder but, hey, I am the mother! My children are plotting what to do with us (chuckle) and we are only 65 and 66 and we never even ask them for help, God bless their little souls! Give me an apartment, some books, food, telephone and a computer and I could make myself happy.

]]> http://www.anamchara.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2190 Facebook/Kecoughtan « Anamchara • The Website of Unknowing Tue, 16 Sep 2008 02:04:18 +0000 http://mccolman.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2190 [...] freak for most of my high school years, I still have very fond memories of my time at KHS. But as I’ve written before in this blog, I tend to do a pretty poor job at maintaining old friendships. Some of my high school friendships [...] [...] freak for most of my high school years, I still have very fond memories of my time at KHS. But as I’ve written before in this blog, I tend to do a pretty poor job at maintaining old friendships. Some of my high school friendships [...]

]]> http://www.anamchara.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2189 Pat Morell Thu, 22 Feb 2007 14:22:41 +0000 http://mccolman.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2189 Dear Carl, your postings are quite a revelation. You and I have more in common than I ever knew. While I meet people easily and don't have a problem connecting at first, there is a point in most of my relationships beyond which people don't go. By my choice. I wonder if the fact that I left Atlanta fairly early in our friendship has much to do with our being friends some 20 years later. The physical distance gives us emotional breathing space, which we both need. We contact each other only when we have something to talk about which is sometimes weeks or months apart. That's OK for us, as it is also with Sally L. and me. Distance--whether physical or emotional--is a pattern with my relationships. Once a new friend starts getting "too close"--by calling me "too often", wanting to see me "too much"--I start to back off.I want friendship only on my terms. This kills any chance for real intimacy. Intimacy eludes me. I've experienced it so infrequently I'm not sure I even know what it is. But I want to change. I want friendships that are close and intimate, though it scares the hell out of me. The only thing that scares me more is the thought of growing old alone. Dear Carl, your postings are quite a revelation. You and I have more in common than I ever knew. While I meet people easily and don’t have a problem connecting at first, there is a point in most of my relationships beyond which people don’t go. By my choice. I wonder if the fact that I left Atlanta fairly early in our friendship has much to do with our being friends some 20 years later. The physical distance gives us emotional breathing space, which we both need. We contact each other only when we have something to talk about which is sometimes weeks or months apart. That’s OK for us, as it is also with Sally L. and me. Distance–whether physical or emotional–is a pattern with my relationships. Once a new friend starts getting “too close”–by calling me “too often”, wanting to see me “too much”–I start to back off.I want friendship only on my terms. This kills any chance for real intimacy. Intimacy eludes me. I’ve experienced it so infrequently I’m not sure I even know what it is. But I want to change. I want friendships that are close and intimate, though it scares the hell out of me. The only thing that scares me more is the thought of growing old alone.

]]> http://www.anamchara.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2188 phil foster Thu, 22 Feb 2007 12:38:24 +0000 http://mccolman.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2188 PS: I will not touch the psychodynamic implications of "...a buldging rolodex." PS: I will not touch the psychodynamic implications of “…a buldging rolodex.”

]]> http://www.anamchara.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2187 phil foster Thu, 22 Feb 2007 12:37:11 +0000 http://mccolman.wordpress.com/2007/02/21/the-loner-with-the-bulging-rolodex/#comment-2187 What you experience as "armored" is probably not what others experience of you (not me), but, rather, your sense of armoring is your own painful attention to your perceived lack of social skills. I really identify with being a loner but loving people. I often tell folks that I have no social skills and "It's me, not you." There are, for me, lots of psychodynamic, dna and destiny factors which contribute to this view of myself. But "armored?" Not my experience of you (Rev. Dr. R. S, yes - but not you). My hunch is people experience you as warm and engaged (I do), not armored. What you experience as “armored” is probably not what others experience of you (not me), but, rather, your sense of armoring is your own painful attention to your perceived lack of social skills. I really identify with being a loner but loving people. I often tell folks that I have no social skills and “It’s me, not you.” There are, for me, lots of psychodynamic, dna and destiny factors which contribute to this view of myself. But “armored?” Not my experience of you (Rev. Dr. R. S, yes – but not you). My hunch is people experience you as warm and engaged (I do), not armored.

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